No Filter

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about growing older and how I want to improve in my 30s. Mostly these thoughts center around wanting to be the best version of myself. At times though, I think about how I want to be less influenced by others and just follow my own spirit. I don't want to allow myself to feel external pressure.

A lot of the pressure I'm talking about, for me, comes from the blogosphere. Every morning, I sip my coffee and browse blog after blog. I love this quiet time in the morning to read and try to be inspired, but often I end up feeling slightly panicked that my life doesn't quite measure up. I don't have it all together and more days than not, I'm not perfectly styled. Wait, now that I think about it I've never been perfectly styled. I can't afford to go out and buy designer bag after designer bag and new hot trendy item after new hot trendy item and all the pretty things at Target. And I don't have time to dedicate to finding the perfect Instagram filter. That's just not my reality. Should it be, I wonder. Then, I start to feel like maybe I'm the only 30 year old who can't get it together. Thus, the long blogging break.

When I take a step back, I know in my head that I actually do have it somewhat together. I have a good education, a great job, a wonderful husband, and the list goes on. I also know that a well styled, properly filtered photograph is not a true representation of what one's life is really like. Maybe that blogger got that bag in exchange for a post, maybe that blogger is in debt up to her eyeballs? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, most of us are living on the other side of the camera.

But really, what's wrong with a beautiful photo or a beautiful bag? Nothing. However, that's a simple question and perhaps I should be asking a different one altogether. Maybe the question should be what does photograph after photograph of 20 something women with their designer shoes/bags and perfect hair/skin/nails do to the women looking at said photographs? Do they create the perception that if you don't have those things then you aren't where you should be? That you can't be beautiful and stylish without them? I don't know, maybe they do. I certainly feel that way from time to time. But I hate that. I hate comparing myself to others because all too often I feel like I just don't measure up. I don't even come close.

I'm just Jessica. The one who makes a mad dash out the door in the mornings because she's just a few minutes behind. The one who wears black pants and a blouse to work more days than not. The girl who is desperately trying to be a good wife and dog mom while climbing the corporate ladder, and sometimes failing at all three.

So as 29 is in my rear view mirror and 31 is just as close as 30, I'm OK with just being the best version of myself that I possibly can. This is it. This is me. #nofilter

Stuff & Things

Today I'm linking up here and here for Stuff & Things. This is my first time participating in the link-up, but Ryan, whom I mildly stalk, makes it look like tons of fun!

I can't believe it's Thursday. This week has gone by quickly, which is good and bad. Closer to the weekend = good. Consultant agreement that must be finished by tomorrow not done = bad.

I've posted a few times about my health journey, and it's something that is almost always on my mind. I want to go into 30 looking and feeling great, so I joined Weight Watchers again and I'll be participating in this challenge in January.

I participated in the Beads of Courage Carry a Bead program and carried my bead to the UT vs. Missouri football game in November. UT lost, but I loved being able to take part in such a great program!

My mom, step dad, sister, niece, 2 brothers, and 3 nephews are coming to celebrate Christmas in our tiny 1200 square feet apartment this weekend. Wish me luck and lots of booze!

marsala

Pantone named its Color of the Year last week, and poor Marsala was met with less than rave reviews. I, for one, don't think it's so bad, but maybe you don't want to rush out and buy everything in this "earthy red wine color."

In that case, I've compiled some of my favorite accessories for you. You can give Marsala a nod, but not a full on embrace.



 

What do you think about the Color of the Year? Are you loving it or are you already hoping 2016 will be better?

30 Before 30

Two months.

I'll be 30 in exactly 2 months.

It doesn't seem possible. I still feel like I'm 16 and any minute now people are going to realize I'm a fraud. A teenager living in an adult body with a law license.

Life at (almost) 30 isn't what I thought it would be. Not in a bad way, it's just different. I really thought I'd have a couple of kids and be wildly successful in my career. Well, I have zero kids and no immediate plans for them. I'm also finding that career success is something that comes with time and enormous effort. I'm on my way, but I'm not there yet, and I'm OK with that. I'm happy with the decisions I've made, but furthermore, I'm so proud that I allowed myself to change my vision for my life and to adjust when something didn't feel right. Twenty year old Jessica didn't have a clue. Thirty year old Jessica may not have a clue either, but that's for forty year old Jessica to decide.

via

Embracing the fluidity of life is a major part of happiness, in my opinion. When I started on this 30 Before 30 journey, my listed looked markedly different than it does now. And I'm about to change it again. (old lists are here, here, here, and here) Items in bold are new. This is life High Five for Friday on steroids!

1. Plan a trip to Europe with travel completed by February 2016
2. Take a cooking or baking class
3. Go back to Napa 4/26/13-4/30/13
4. Fill my house with items I love Done 2013/2014
5. Do a spending freeze for a month Done January 2014
6. Organize my closets Done May 2014
7. Go without television for a week Done 6/19/14-6/25/14
8. Call people instead of text or email for 2 weeks Done 6/4/13-6/18/13
9. Invest in a LV bag Done 8/9/14
10. See a show on Broadway
11. Complete the Jesus Calling 365 Day Journaling Devotional Update: Started January 2014
12. Buy coffee for the person behind me in the Starbucks drive thru Done February 2014
13. Lose these dang 10 lbs I've put on Done June 2014, but some back on so...
14. Attend a beyond fabulous event Dry Creek Valley Passport Festival 4/27/13-4/28/13
15. Go on a 'blate' Done 7/1/13

16. Grow an olive tree

17. DIY an ottoman DIYed a coffee table 5/12/13
18. Take a risk Done May 2014
19. Do another Whole 30 (I'm thinking this challenge)
20. Get back into yoga
21. Organize our wine collection Done May 2014
22. Send a card to a friend just because Done in September 2013
23. Do something I don't feel like doing just because it's good for me Gave up sodas on 5/30/13
24. Do a blog redesign Done 8/3/13
25. Go on a spur of the moment trip
26. Make my own laundry detergent Done 6/1/13
27. Send flowers to someone anonymously Done 10/24/14
28.Write a letter to myself to open when I'm 40.
29. Ride in a limousine (I know, I'm lame)
30. Skinny dip (can you believe that I have never done this?)

29 scared me. 30 doesn't scare me at all. I'll figure it out, or at least have tons of fun trying!

 

Linking with with Lauren Elizabeth & September Farm. 

Life Updates

Oh hey. It's been a hot minute since I've made an appearance around these parts. Sorry about that. I blame my crazy life. You can catch up on that here.

Because, let's face it I don't have an actual post planned. Bring on the randomness. Plus, maybe you want an update on why I've been MIA. No? OK, cool, then that's not what this post is about... Also, all photos were taken with my iPhone so the quality is not so good.

The spell check on my computer seems to have turned itself off so there's a good chance there are some major misspellings. Sorry, I'm not a good speller. I was in a spelling bee once in 3rd or 4th grade and my word was "pansy." I spelled it p-a-n-z-i-e. True story.

I started a new job about 3 weeks ago and my sweet, sweet friends from my old job sent me flowers to wish me well. The new job is great, but gosh I miss them!

I had to get glasses again. I wore them from ages 10 to 24 until the miracle of lasik came into my life. At my last check-up I found out my astigmatism has reared its ugly head. My doctor doesn't want to do an enhancement until I'm through my "child bearing years." So, to comply with the law, I am again wearing glasses while driving. The only thing is when I take them off, I can't really see. Sometimes I wear them all day, and sometimes I don't wear them at all. Shh, don't tell.

I want something really cool for Christmas. I want to open my gift and be blown away. The thing is, I don't know what I want, I just know I want it to be cool.

Kris & I were supposed to go out of town for Thanksgiving, but shocker, we're not. He's having staffing issues and has to work that weekend. I swear, sometimes his job bums me out. I hate never knowing for sure if our plans are going to work out. But, we did go to Blackberry Farm last weekend for dinner, and it was amazing! The $9 million wine inventory peaked our interest, so the sommelier gave us a tour of one of the cellars.

I babysat 2 of my nephews last weekend and nephew #2 insisted on taking Elmo, Baby Elmo, and Grover with us everywhere. I piled them on top of him in his car seat and he was in bliss.

So that's really it for now. Hopefully things have finally settled down and I can get back to posting on the regular! Until then, Happy Thanksgivng!

Real Housewives, Empty Closets, & Ninja Turtles - Thursday Musings

I haven't made blogging a priority lately, mostly because of all the craziness in my life. But, today I have a few things on my mind so why wouldn't I share them with you?

Teresa Guidice was sentenced to 15 months in prison after pleading guilty to bank and wire fraud. Part of me feels sorry for her, but part of me thinks she'll do just fine. 

I love the Zara blanket scarf. Love it, die for it, but I can't make myself buy it. I know I don't need it, but it's only $30. But didn't you spend $30 yesterday on pedicure you didn't really need? And $30 last week on makeup? And don't you need to buy a birthday gift? Do you ever have these internal struggles?

As it gets a little cooler, I'm finding getting dressed to be difficult. I wonder what in the heck I wore last fall. Surely I wore something, but what? My closet seems full of nothingness.

I had my hair colored back dark in August and again in September. Let me tell you, my hair is not holding the color! Every time I shampoo I see more of it wash down the drain. Maybe it's because it was very light on the ends or maybe the colorist is using a semi permanent color? I don't know, but it's starting to get expensive!

I joined a Diet Bet this week by recommendation from Ryan. If you haven't checked out her blog, do it! She's kicking ass and taking names!

And then there's this guy, who never ceases to amaze me. #TMNTforlife

And on that note, let's call it a day, shall we?

More Changes

I mentioned in late spring/early summer that Kris accepted a job in the Nashville area, and that I would be staying in Knoxville for the time being. Well, in the 5 months since we made that decision, a lot has changed.

We set out to do only what seemed right and gave us peace. We prayed that God would show us how we needed to approach this phase of our life one step at time.We prayed that God would let us know what was best for our marriage, and how long I should stay in Knoxville. We initially thought I would stay indefinitely, but we were open to whatever God had in store for us. So, we put our house on the market and bam, it sold. We looked for an apartment for me that wouldn't lock me into a long term lease, and we found one no sweat. Some things happened at work that made me feel like maybe it was time for me to move on. All signs seemed to be pointing to Knoxville no longer being the right place for me.

Then, a good friend approached me about an open corporate attorney position with a major company in the Nashville area. At first, I was a little unsure, but decided I owed it to myself and my marriage to at least look into it. So I did. The more I learned about the position the more I realized this would not only get me back under the same roof as my husband, but would also be a fabulous career move. My career is a top priority, but it does not take importance over my husband. I was elated at the thought of a win-win.

After a lot of prayer, I felt like God was in my situation with me. I knew that if I was offered that new position, I would take it. Now, I wish I could say I turned it over to God and never thought about it again, but patience is not my strong suit. While I knew it would all work out, I had a hard time letting go. One day, so fed up with myself, I wrote in my planner Psalm 37:4. That day's planner space was full, so I just wrote it in the day's space. Well, the next day I was offered the job, and I accepted it! Isn't it funny and so amazing how God works?

I am thrilled to announce that I will be joining my husband in Nashville starting October 25! I am just beside myself with joy. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers along the way! I truly appreciate it!