Monday, June 22, 2015

No Filter

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about growing older and how I want to improve in my 30s. Mostly these thoughts center around wanting to be the best version of myself. At times though, I think about how I want to be less influenced by others and just follow my own spirit. I don't want to allow myself to feel external pressure.

A lot of the pressure I'm talking about, for me, comes from the blogosphere. Every morning, I sip my coffee and browse blog after blog. I love this quiet time in the morning to read and try to be inspired, but often I end up feeling slightly panicked that my life doesn't quite measure up. I don't have it all together and more days than not, I'm not perfectly styled. Wait, now that I think about it I've never been perfectly styled. I can't afford to go out and buy designer bag after designer bag and new hot trendy item after new hot trendy item and all the pretty things at Target. And I don't have time to dedicate to finding the perfect Instagram filter. That's just not my reality. Should it be, I wonder. Then, I start to feel like maybe I'm the only 30 year old who can't get it together. Thus, the long blogging break.

When I take a step back, I know in my head that I actually do have it somewhat together. I have a good education, a great job, a wonderful husband, and the list goes on. I also know that a well styled, properly filtered photograph is not a true representation of what one's life is really like. Maybe that blogger got that bag in exchange for a post, maybe that blogger is in debt up to her eyeballs? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, most of us are living on the other side of the camera.

But really, what's wrong with a beautiful photo or a beautiful bag? Nothing. However, that's a simple question and perhaps I should be asking a different one altogether. Maybe the question should be what does photograph after photograph of 20 something women with their designer shoes/bags and perfect hair/skin/nails do to the women looking at said photographs? Do they create the perception that if you don't have those things then you aren't where you should be? That you can't be beautiful and stylish without them? I don't know, maybe they do. I certainly feel that way from time to time. But I hate that. I hate comparing myself to others because all too often I feel like I just don't measure up. I don't even come close.

I'm just Jessica. The one who makes a mad dash out the door in the mornings because she's just a few minutes behind. The one who wears black pants and a blouse to work more days than not. The girl who is desperately trying to be a good wife and dog mom while climbing the corporate ladder, and sometimes failing at all three.

So as 29 is in my rear view mirror and 31 is just as close as 30, I'm OK with just being the best version of myself that I possibly can. This is it. This is me. #nofilter