Four AM

My baby woke up this morning crying at 4am, a mere hour before I was to wake and take on the day. I silently resented the fact that I had to get up, wishing she would just stay asleep. I scooped her up from her crib and put her in bed with me to nurse her so maybe we both could get just a little more sleep. 

It worked. As I snuggled her next to me, I reminded myself to catalog how the warmth of her body feels next to mine. I was suddenly painfully aware of how fast she's growing and even more aware that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. 

I adore watching her grow. She's learning so much and changing so quickly. I smile at each new development. She's 6 months old, has 2 teeth and is crawling. She's sitting in a high chair and trying new foods. How did that happen? Didn't I just bring her home? 

I wonder sometimes if I could just keep her this little forever. Then I think about everything I would miss and decide to let her keep growing. But, I quickly remember that there will be a day she doesn't want me to hold her. A day she demands her independence. Oh, what will I do when that day comes? Smile at her while my heart is breaking sobbing uncontrollably the next time I'm alone? Sounds about right. Can't I just bottle her up, chubby thighs, sheepish grin and all?

But today, as I was sneaking out of bed trying not to wake her or my sleeping husband, she reached for my hand. As if she knew even in her sleep that I wasn't beside her, asking me to stay even if for just one more minute. So I stayed. I soaked her in for another minute because today isn't the day she doesn't need me. Today is the day she asked me to stay with her, and I thank God she woke up at 4am. 

Everything has changed

"Everything has changed, yet I am more me than I have ever been." - Iain Thomas

When I read this quote, I felt like it summed up my experience with motherhood. Nothing is the same; everything has changed. Everything about me has changed, yet somehow I feel more like person I am supposed to be. It's the oddest thing.

I often say that I feel like my daughter is the piece of me that I didn't even know was missing. Knowing her and loving her is sometimes the only thing in my life that feels right. She fits into this hole in my heart that I didn't know was there. I was searching for her all along, but I just didn't realize it.

The love, the love is intense. It's all consuming. People talk about it, how much you'll love your child. They're right, but the word "love" just doesn't seem to do justice to the feelings. It's like this feeling that you have for your child is so expansive, so deep, so wide that there is nothing she could ever do to step outside of it. My love for her will follow her into her darkest places.

It's also scary; to love someone this much is terrifying. It's like a piece of your heart that lives outside your body. You do your best to protect it, but you know deep down you won't be able to shield it from every wound. She will get her heart broken, and I won't be able to stop it. Someone or something (likely several someones and somethings) will hurt her, and in turn, hurt me. We will share every bruise and scar, she and I. It's an odd thing, knowing it will happen, knowing you can't really prepare for it, but loving so deeply anyway.

So while absolutely everything about me has changed since becoming her mother, I wouldn't dare go back. This person, my daughter's mother, this is who I was meant to be.

Breastfeeding is the best gift I've ever given myself

Breastfeeding is the best gift I've ever given myself.

As a young adult, when I thought about having children I always knew one thing for certain: I wasn't going to breastfeed.  "Breast is best" arguments aside, I just never imagined myself feeding a child with my body. Just thinking about it gave me serious anxiety. I couldn't stand the thought of having a human attached to me, begging for nourishment. It was too much responsibility. I also squirmed at what my post BF boobs looked like in my mind's eye. I just wasn't that kind of girl, I told myself. My boobs would simply not be laid on the altar for sacrifice. My friends encouraged me to keep an open mind and the make whatever decision seemed right when the time came. No need to put the cart before the horse. Fine.

When my daughter came on Independence Day this year, I took one look at her and knew there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her. She was the piece of me that I didn't even know was missing. I resolved myself to do right by her, even if it meant sacrificing everything I had. I knew that the best decision for her was for me to breastfeed her. Sorry, formerly full, perky(ish) breasts, it was nice knowing you.

Here we are 14 weeks later, and I see breastfeeding as more than an decision about how I feed my daughter. Honestly, she'd be perfectly fine if she were formula fed. She'd still be healthy and happy. She'd still be growing as she should and eating just as often. But, I'm not sure I'd be fine. As it turns out, breastfeeding means more to me than I could have ever imagined. 

I love the fact that she looks to me for her most basic need. I love that she wants to nurse just for comfort sometimes. Seeing her baby face in the middle of the night snuggled up next to me makes my heart sing. When she puts her tiny hands on my chest as she drifts off to sleep, I could cry. I've never loved anything more than I love her. Any moment that I get to pull her close, I gladly take. Sometimes when my husband gives her a bottle I've pumped, I go in the other room because I can't stand to see someone else feed her. That's my job, that's our thing. As crazy as it sounds, I have to fight feelings of jealousy and the urge to defend my turf. 

She will never remember how safe she felt in my arms. She won't know that I woke every 2 hours to feed her in her first few weeks of life. She will never realize how many times I kissed her cheeks at 3:00am or how many nights I stared at her in awe. This tiny human will turn into a not so tiny human and she may never understand how much of myself I've poured into her. But I will. I'll remember. And one day, not too long from now, she won't need me at 3:00am, she'll find comfort in something else or someone else, as she should. When that day comes, I'll be so glad I gave myself this gift. 

Postpartum Truths

For those of you who don't know, which is probably all of you given how long it has been since I've blogged, I recently had a baby. My sweet girl was born on July 4, 2016. In these 14 short weeks, I've learned a thing or two I'd like to share. Not because I think I'm an expert; I'm not even close. But because I wish someone had said these things to me. So here it is, take it or leave it.

1. All the hospital packing lists you find on Pinterest are useless. You absolutely do not need that much crap at the hospital. Trust me, you won't want to keep up with all that stuff when you have a teeny baby to care for and your hormones are raging. Plus, the hospital staff will give you most of what you need, so do yourself a favor and pack light. For yourself, you really only need a couple of pair of pajamas (I only wore one pair; I stayed in the hospital gown the first day and night after delivery), a robe, toiletries, a going home outfit, and a phone charger. I also brought my iPad, but I didn't really use it.

2. You will love your postpartum nurse more than words can describe. I had my baby around 3pm, but didn't make it into my postpartum room until after 7pm. That's when I met Leslie. I'm pretty sure she's an angel on earth. She helped me so much that first night. Sometimes when I think about how wonderful she was to me I tear up. In reality, she probably wasn't any better than any other nurse taking care of new moms and babies, but she was mine and I loved her. I wasn't prepared for how attached I'd be to her.

3. Peeing after giving birth isn't as bad as everyone says, but pooping is. I had a normal vaginal birth with a 1st degree tear (skin only, no muscle tear) that required 2 stitches. I put off using the restroom after delivery for longer than necessary because I was so afraid it would burn like hell, just like all the bloggers said it would. It didn't. I never had any urinary discomfort. However, the first poop after birth was maybe the worst part of the whole labor and delivery experience. Do yourself a favor and take every stool softener offered to you by your nurse, then ask for more. Also take them when you get home for at least a week.

4. The anticipation of labor is worse than actual labor. We took labor classes and all those videos they showed us pictured women screaming bloody murder during labor. It was terrifying. I said to my husband that a c-section looked more humane than what was happening to those women in the videos. I'm happy to report that wasn't my experience. My doctor was going on vacation, and I was 2 days past my due date so I was induced. I checked into the hospital at 5:00am. I had just been to the doctor a couple of days before and was dilated to 3.5.  By 6:30am, I was in my room and had a pitocin drip. I had very mild contractions, but they were easy to talk through. My doctor came at 9:30am and broke my water. That was gross, but not painful. I had an epidural around 10:30am or 10:45am. I slept from 11:00am until 2:30pm when the nurse came in to check me. I had made it to 10cm. The doctor came back a few minutes later and confirmed it was time to push. I pushed for about 15 minutes and then it was over. There were no screams, cries, etc. I realize this is not everyone's experience, but for me the anticipation anxiety was totally unnecessary. For the record, I think it's totally fine to birth a child without an epidural if that's what is best for you. I knew I wanted an epidural, but every woman has to make that decision for herself.

5. Even if you hated it, you might miss being pregnant. I hated being pregnant. I felt awful the whole time. I was so happy to be having a baby, but pregnancy did not feel like the magical miracle experience I was expecting. However, I kind of miss it a little. Taking care of a baby living inside you is a heck of a lot easier than taking care of one on the outside. Plus, people are nicer and more considerate of pregnant ladies than they are of ladies with babies.

6. You might be annoyed by the animals you once treasured. I adored my dogs before I had a baby. They were the lights of my life. When I brought my baby home, all of the sudden nothing got on my nerves more than these 4-legged creatures. It's slowly getting better, but for the first week or so I thought I was going to kill them. Seriously. I wasn't prepared for that. If I had to do it over again, I might send them to my mom's house for a couple of weeks until I got more comfortable with having a newborn.

7. Nipples get sore so much faster than you can imagine. I expected sore and tender nipples, but I didn't think they would come so fast. I thought it might take a week or so before it got bad. Nope. It happened in a couple of days. We're talking cracked, bleeding nipples, and I had a good nurser. I called lactation and they gave me a recipe for a homemade nipple cream. It got better in a few days. Even now, 14 weeks later they still get a little tender from time to time, but it keeps getting better and better. Though tough at first, breastfeeding is one of the best experiences of my life. I didn't think I'd be into it, but I am. More to come in another post. 

8. The dermaplast spray is a joke. It didn't do anything for me except make my vagina itch. I will definitely skip it if I ever have another baby. Lots of women swear by it, but it wasn't for me. 

9. Your relationship may take a downward turn. It's true that you'll love seeing your husband/partner hold and care for your new baby. It's precious to see, but it's so much more complicated than that. You will give absolutely everything you have to your new baby. You'll give so much that you won't have anything left to give anyone or anything else, including your husband and your marriage. You might even wonder if you'll ever go back to the couple you used to be. I'm still in the thick of this one, but every once in awhile I get glimpses of the us that used to be. Every once in a awhile I see the couple and not the new, exhausted parents. It makes me hopeful. I hear it can take a couple of years to really feel "normal" again; TBD on this one.

10. When you have a window, take it. When she was a newborn, my baby wanted to be held all.the.time. If she wasn't sleeping, she was in my arms. If she wasn't in my arms, she was crying. On top of that, newborns don't really follow a schedule so there is little predictability. That being said, when you have a window, take it because you never know when that window will slam shut. Have an appointment at 10am? Is it 7am and is baby asleep? Then get yourself ready 3 hours early because that baby could wake up at any time and need 100% of you for the next 3 hours. You never know.

11. Never underestimate the need for mom friends. I didn't know how important mom friends were until I had my own baby to care for. I had/still have tons of questions about what is normal, how other moms deal with issues, etc. It helped me so much those first few weeks just have a circle of people who I knew understood. Maternity leave can be lonely, it helps to have support from women who get it. 

12. Mom guilt is real and it happens so fast. I experienced mom guilt within the first week of being home from the hospital. It caught me off guard. I was looking at my sleeping baby and was overcome with it. I felt guilty that she was sleeping because she had been most of the day (as newborns do) and shouldn't I be doing more to interact with her. I felt guilty that she needed to eat every 1.5 hours at first because what was wrong with my milk that it didn't last longer. I felt guilty when I left her for the first time when she was 5 weeks old so I could go get my teeth cleaned. Now that I'm back at work, I feel guilty when I put her in her swing or on her play mat for 10 minutes in the evening so I can wash her bottles because I've been away from her all day. The list of things I feel guilty about is endless. I know in my head she's fine and that I'm doing OK, but the guilt is real. 

September Goals

We're 14 days into September and I can barely wrap  my head around the fact that summer is practically gone. It's been a heck of whirlwind, that's for sure. I feel like the last 3.5 months have just zipped by and I have nothing to show for myself. So to combat losing yet another month, here are a few goals:

1. Don't buy anything else this month. Jessica, you have plenty of stuff. Stop it with the stuff.

2. Try a little harder. In everything, just try a little harder.

3. Reach my fitbit step goal (10k) 4 out of every 7 days.

4. Have a dedicated date night this month. It's been too long. This is an important one.

5. Give the house a really good cleaning. The cleaning lady is great, but she shouldn't be the only one tidying up. I've definitely been slacking this summer. Am I the only one who finds drifts of dust all over the place?

6. Plan work week outfits. I've been wearing black dress pants + random blouse about 2 3 days a week. I'm pretty sure the people in my office would appreciate some additional effort. I'll try, see #2.

7. Clean out my closet/dresser and rid it of items that don't fit or that I no longer wear.

8. Clean my car inside and out. (Wow. there is a lot of cleaning on this list)

9. Drink a pumpkin spice latte because they are just so good! I drink a few PSLs this time of year, but always nonfat with no whip, BUT I allow myself one full fat with whip cream.

10. Frame and hang the new art for the house. That buffalo print is too beautiful to be hidden in the closet.

One more for good measure...Find a church. This is perhaps the most important goal this month.

No Filter

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about growing older and how I want to improve in my 30s. Mostly these thoughts center around wanting to be the best version of myself. At times though, I think about how I want to be less influenced by others and just follow my own spirit. I don't want to allow myself to feel external pressure.

A lot of the pressure I'm talking about, for me, comes from the blogosphere. Every morning, I sip my coffee and browse blog after blog. I love this quiet time in the morning to read and try to be inspired, but often I end up feeling slightly panicked that my life doesn't quite measure up. I don't have it all together and more days than not, I'm not perfectly styled. Wait, now that I think about it I've never been perfectly styled. I can't afford to go out and buy designer bag after designer bag and new hot trendy item after new hot trendy item and all the pretty things at Target. And I don't have time to dedicate to finding the perfect Instagram filter. That's just not my reality. Should it be, I wonder. Then, I start to feel like maybe I'm the only 30 year old who can't get it together. Thus, the long blogging break.

When I take a step back, I know in my head that I actually do have it somewhat together. I have a good education, a great job, a wonderful husband, and the list goes on. I also know that a well styled, properly filtered photograph is not a true representation of what one's life is really like. Maybe that blogger got that bag in exchange for a post, maybe that blogger is in debt up to her eyeballs? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, most of us are living on the other side of the camera.

But really, what's wrong with a beautiful photo or a beautiful bag? Nothing. However, that's a simple question and perhaps I should be asking a different one altogether. Maybe the question should be what does photograph after photograph of 20 something women with their designer shoes/bags and perfect hair/skin/nails do to the women looking at said photographs? Do they create the perception that if you don't have those things then you aren't where you should be? That you can't be beautiful and stylish without them? I don't know, maybe they do. I certainly feel that way from time to time. But I hate that. I hate comparing myself to others because all too often I feel like I just don't measure up. I don't even come close.

I'm just Jessica. The one who makes a mad dash out the door in the mornings because she's just a few minutes behind. The one who wears black pants and a blouse to work more days than not. The girl who is desperately trying to be a good wife and dog mom while climbing the corporate ladder, and sometimes failing at all three.

So as 29 is in my rear view mirror and 31 is just as close as 30, I'm OK with just being the best version of myself that I possibly can. This is it. This is me. #nofilter

Stuff & Things

Today I'm linking up here and here for Stuff & Things. This is my first time participating in the link-up, but Ryan, whom I mildly stalk, makes it look like tons of fun!

I can't believe it's Thursday. This week has gone by quickly, which is good and bad. Closer to the weekend = good. Consultant agreement that must be finished by tomorrow not done = bad.

I've posted a few times about my health journey, and it's something that is almost always on my mind. I want to go into 30 looking and feeling great, so I joined Weight Watchers again and I'll be participating in this challenge in January.

I participated in the Beads of Courage Carry a Bead program and carried my bead to the UT vs. Missouri football game in November. UT lost, but I loved being able to take part in such a great program!

My mom, step dad, sister, niece, 2 brothers, and 3 nephews are coming to celebrate Christmas in our tiny 1200 square feet apartment this weekend. Wish me luck and lots of booze!

marsala

Pantone named its Color of the Year last week, and poor Marsala was met with less than rave reviews. I, for one, don't think it's so bad, but maybe you don't want to rush out and buy everything in this "earthy red wine color."

In that case, I've compiled some of my favorite accessories for you. You can give Marsala a nod, but not a full on embrace.



 

What do you think about the Color of the Year? Are you loving it or are you already hoping 2016 will be better?

30 Before 30

Two months.

I'll be 30 in exactly 2 months.

It doesn't seem possible. I still feel like I'm 16 and any minute now people are going to realize I'm a fraud. A teenager living in an adult body with a law license.

Life at (almost) 30 isn't what I thought it would be. Not in a bad way, it's just different. I really thought I'd have a couple of kids and be wildly successful in my career. Well, I have zero kids and no immediate plans for them. I'm also finding that career success is something that comes with time and enormous effort. I'm on my way, but I'm not there yet, and I'm OK with that. I'm happy with the decisions I've made, but furthermore, I'm so proud that I allowed myself to change my vision for my life and to adjust when something didn't feel right. Twenty year old Jessica didn't have a clue. Thirty year old Jessica may not have a clue either, but that's for forty year old Jessica to decide.

via

Embracing the fluidity of life is a major part of happiness, in my opinion. When I started on this 30 Before 30 journey, my listed looked markedly different than it does now. And I'm about to change it again. (old lists are here, here, here, and here) Items in bold are new. This is life High Five for Friday on steroids!

1. Plan a trip to Europe with travel completed by February 2016
2. Take a cooking or baking class
3. Go back to Napa 4/26/13-4/30/13
4. Fill my house with items I love Done 2013/2014
5. Do a spending freeze for a month Done January 2014
6. Organize my closets Done May 2014
7. Go without television for a week Done 6/19/14-6/25/14
8. Call people instead of text or email for 2 weeks Done 6/4/13-6/18/13
9. Invest in a LV bag Done 8/9/14
10. See a show on Broadway
11. Complete the Jesus Calling 365 Day Journaling Devotional Update: Started January 2014
12. Buy coffee for the person behind me in the Starbucks drive thru Done February 2014
13. Lose these dang 10 lbs I've put on Done June 2014, but some back on so...
14. Attend a beyond fabulous event Dry Creek Valley Passport Festival 4/27/13-4/28/13
15. Go on a 'blate' Done 7/1/13

16. Grow an olive tree

17. DIY an ottoman DIYed a coffee table 5/12/13
18. Take a risk Done May 2014
19. Do another Whole 30 (I'm thinking this challenge)
20. Get back into yoga
21. Organize our wine collection Done May 2014
22. Send a card to a friend just because Done in September 2013
23. Do something I don't feel like doing just because it's good for me Gave up sodas on 5/30/13
24. Do a blog redesign Done 8/3/13
25. Go on a spur of the moment trip
26. Make my own laundry detergent Done 6/1/13
27. Send flowers to someone anonymously Done 10/24/14
28.Write a letter to myself to open when I'm 40.
29. Ride in a limousine (I know, I'm lame)
30. Skinny dip (can you believe that I have never done this?)

29 scared me. 30 doesn't scare me at all. I'll figure it out, or at least have tons of fun trying!

 

Linking with with Lauren Elizabeth & September Farm. 

Life Updates

Oh hey. It's been a hot minute since I've made an appearance around these parts. Sorry about that. I blame my crazy life. You can catch up on that here.

Because, let's face it I don't have an actual post planned. Bring on the randomness. Plus, maybe you want an update on why I've been MIA. No? OK, cool, then that's not what this post is about... Also, all photos were taken with my iPhone so the quality is not so good.

The spell check on my computer seems to have turned itself off so there's a good chance there are some major misspellings. Sorry, I'm not a good speller. I was in a spelling bee once in 3rd or 4th grade and my word was "pansy." I spelled it p-a-n-z-i-e. True story.

I started a new job about 3 weeks ago and my sweet, sweet friends from my old job sent me flowers to wish me well. The new job is great, but gosh I miss them!

I had to get glasses again. I wore them from ages 10 to 24 until the miracle of lasik came into my life. At my last check-up I found out my astigmatism has reared its ugly head. My doctor doesn't want to do an enhancement until I'm through my "child bearing years." So, to comply with the law, I am again wearing glasses while driving. The only thing is when I take them off, I can't really see. Sometimes I wear them all day, and sometimes I don't wear them at all. Shh, don't tell.

I want something really cool for Christmas. I want to open my gift and be blown away. The thing is, I don't know what I want, I just know I want it to be cool.

Kris & I were supposed to go out of town for Thanksgiving, but shocker, we're not. He's having staffing issues and has to work that weekend. I swear, sometimes his job bums me out. I hate never knowing for sure if our plans are going to work out. But, we did go to Blackberry Farm last weekend for dinner, and it was amazing! The $9 million wine inventory peaked our interest, so the sommelier gave us a tour of one of the cellars.

I babysat 2 of my nephews last weekend and nephew #2 insisted on taking Elmo, Baby Elmo, and Grover with us everywhere. I piled them on top of him in his car seat and he was in bliss.

So that's really it for now. Hopefully things have finally settled down and I can get back to posting on the regular! Until then, Happy Thanksgivng!

Real Housewives, Empty Closets, & Ninja Turtles - Thursday Musings

I haven't made blogging a priority lately, mostly because of all the craziness in my life. But, today I have a few things on my mind so why wouldn't I share them with you?

Teresa Guidice was sentenced to 15 months in prison after pleading guilty to bank and wire fraud. Part of me feels sorry for her, but part of me thinks she'll do just fine. 

I love the Zara blanket scarf. Love it, die for it, but I can't make myself buy it. I know I don't need it, but it's only $30. But didn't you spend $30 yesterday on pedicure you didn't really need? And $30 last week on makeup? And don't you need to buy a birthday gift? Do you ever have these internal struggles?

As it gets a little cooler, I'm finding getting dressed to be difficult. I wonder what in the heck I wore last fall. Surely I wore something, but what? My closet seems full of nothingness.

I had my hair colored back dark in August and again in September. Let me tell you, my hair is not holding the color! Every time I shampoo I see more of it wash down the drain. Maybe it's because it was very light on the ends or maybe the colorist is using a semi permanent color? I don't know, but it's starting to get expensive!

I joined a Diet Bet this week by recommendation from Ryan. If you haven't checked out her blog, do it! She's kicking ass and taking names!

And then there's this guy, who never ceases to amaze me. #TMNTforlife

And on that note, let's call it a day, shall we?

More Changes

I mentioned in late spring/early summer that Kris accepted a job in the Nashville area, and that I would be staying in Knoxville for the time being. Well, in the 5 months since we made that decision, a lot has changed.

We set out to do only what seemed right and gave us peace. We prayed that God would show us how we needed to approach this phase of our life one step at time.We prayed that God would let us know what was best for our marriage, and how long I should stay in Knoxville. We initially thought I would stay indefinitely, but we were open to whatever God had in store for us. So, we put our house on the market and bam, it sold. We looked for an apartment for me that wouldn't lock me into a long term lease, and we found one no sweat. Some things happened at work that made me feel like maybe it was time for me to move on. All signs seemed to be pointing to Knoxville no longer being the right place for me.

Then, a good friend approached me about an open corporate attorney position with a major company in the Nashville area. At first, I was a little unsure, but decided I owed it to myself and my marriage to at least look into it. So I did. The more I learned about the position the more I realized this would not only get me back under the same roof as my husband, but would also be a fabulous career move. My career is a top priority, but it does not take importance over my husband. I was elated at the thought of a win-win.

After a lot of prayer, I felt like God was in my situation with me. I knew that if I was offered that new position, I would take it. Now, I wish I could say I turned it over to God and never thought about it again, but patience is not my strong suit. While I knew it would all work out, I had a hard time letting go. One day, so fed up with myself, I wrote in my planner Psalm 37:4. That day's planner space was full, so I just wrote it in the day's space. Well, the next day I was offered the job, and I accepted it! Isn't it funny and so amazing how God works?

I am thrilled to announce that I will be joining my husband in Nashville starting October 25! I am just beside myself with joy. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers along the way! I truly appreciate it!

To say that I've been slacking off lately would be an understatement. A major understatement. I've got a lot going on, and I can't seem to get it together. Lord knows I'm trying. Bear with me.

When I saw this the other day, I knew I had to share. Enjoy!

Source

Pre-Fall Looks

It's almost September, and I am loving the thought of autumnizing my wardrobe. Autumnizing, I'm pretty sure I just made that word up.

Although it's almost fall, we still experience 80 degree days well into September and sometimes October. It's important to me to dress for the season not the weather, but I also don't want to burn up and get sweaty smelly. So there's that.

I've assembled a few pre-fall looks that are sure to keep me looking and smelling nice!

I'm a jeans and tee kind of gal. Does that make me boring? Maybe, but it definitely makes me comfortable. I like to pair jeans with cute closed toe flats, a great bag, and a scarf with detail to make the outfit look richer and more autumny but without making me feel like I'm sweating to death.

I'm also all about dresses that "breathe" with you. Meaning, dresses that let you breathe comfortably throughout the day no matter how much lunch you eat. Pairing these flowy dresses with a chunkier heel definitely makes them season appropriate. 

What do you love to wear for fall?

Linking up for Tuesday Pretties with Glossy Blonde.

A unintended break

So I really didn't mean to take an almost 2 week break, but I guess I did. I was on vacation last week, and who knows what I was doing the week before!

I will be back tomorrow with riveting content, I promise. Well, maybe not riveting, but content nonetheless!

Tuesday Pretties: Beauty Love

I'm all about experimenting with beauty products lately. For some reason, I'm enjoying mixing up my beauty routine more than my clothes. Here are some of my favorites right now.

Clockwise from top left...

1. NYX Dark Circle Concealer - I don't know about you, but my circles are so dark it looks like someone punched me in the eyes. This concealer really pulls its weight and makes me look normal and not like death warmed over.

2. Aveda Smooth Infusion Naturally Straight - OK, so I haven't actually tried this yet, but if it's like the other Smooth Infusion products then I'm all in. It's definitely top on my "to try" list.

3. GVP Volumizing Spray - I buy this hairspray at Sally's for $7.99. It's a generic for Kenra, which retails for $24. I like the GVP version just as well and it costs 70% less. This one is a no-brainer.

4. Trader Joe's Extra Virgin Coconut Oil - I use coconut oil for nearly everything. I use it as a makeup remover, as a cleanser for my skin, as a moisturizer, as a hair mask, and as an antibacterial cream. It smells fantastic, and it really is the wonder salve.

5. NYX Butter Gloss - This new fave makes my lips feel so soft! It comes in great colors (I love Peaches N' Cream), and at under $5 you really can't go wrong!

6. Younique 3D Fiber Lashes - Seriously, the best mascara I've ever used. It lengthens and volumizes my lashes like nothing I've ever seen. If you haven't tried it you're in luck, because I'm giving it away today!

7. OPI Did You Ear About Van Gogh - I'm loving this color for late summer and early fall. It's neutral, but it's very pigmented so you get tons of color. I picked mine up for about $2 at Marshalls.

Ashley from A Fashion Fixation (also a Younique Independent Presenter) has so graciously supplied the 3D Fiber Lashes set for one lucky winner. Make sure you enter by following the steps below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Linking up with Glossy Blonde today

30 Before 30 Update

Last week I hit the 6 month mark. As in 6 months before I turn the big 3-0 and in theory, complete my 30 Before 30 list. 

I started this list when I turned 28 and every 6 months or so, I've taken stock in what really matters to me and updated it. You can see the original post here and the updates here and here.

My new items are bolded. I think it's very important to be introspective and define what's most important to oneself. That's why I don't care if my list changes every 6 months. I'm human, I live and breathe and change daily. So here's my new list. What things are important to you?

1. Travel to Europe
2. Take a cooking or baking class
3. Go back to Napa 4/26/13-4/30/13
4. Fill my house with items I love Done 2013/2014
5. Do a spending freeze for a month Done January 2014
6. Organize my closets Done May 2014
7. Go without television for a week Done 6/19/14-6/25/14
8. Call people instead of text or email for 2 weeks Done 6/4/13-6/18/13
9. Invest in a LV bag Done 8/9/14
10. See a show on Broadway
11. Complete the Jesus Calling 365 Day Journaling Devotional Update: Started January 2014
12. Buy coffee for the person behind me in the Starbucks drive thru Done February 2014
13. Lose these dang 10 lbs I've put on Done June 2014, but some back on so...
14. Attend a beyond fabulous event Dry Creek Valley Passport Festival 4/27/13-4/28/13
15. Go on a 'blate' Done 7/1/13

16. Grow an olive tree

17. DIY an ottoman DIYed a coffee table 5/12/13
18. Take a risk Done May 2014
19. Make sure Five gets the proper amount of exercise weekly
20. Get back into yoga
21. Organize our wine collection Done May 2014
22. Send a card to a friend just because Done in September 2013
23. Do something I don't feel like doing just because it's good for me Gave up sodas on 5/30/13
24. Do a blog redesign Done 8/3/13
25. Go on a spur of the moment trip
26. Make my own laundry detergent Done 6/1/13
27. Send flowers to someone anonymously
28.Write a letter to myself to open when I'm 40.
29. Surprise my husband with something fabulous
30. Skinny dip (can you believe that I have never done this?)

Random Monday Thoughts

1. I want to go to Target and buy all the pretty things.

2. Gotta get myself back on track with eating healthy (she thought while guzzling diet coke to keep herself awake).

3. I wonder if anyone will notice that I wore this exact outfit last Monday. The dogs sure as hell noticed this morning casting their judgmental stares.

4. Only 36 more years until I can retire!

5. I'd kill for a minor case of mono right now. A couple of weeks in bed with no appetite sounds glorious!

6. I should probably get a professional headshot taken. Gah, stupid career!

7. Must find perfect orange dress to wear to UT/Ole Miss game in 75 days.

8. Lord, I hope I remember (have the energy) to wash my hair tonight. This ponytail is not cute!

9. Spell check is my home girl today. I am misspelling all sorts of words!

10. I wonder how many followers I've lost since the beginning of this post?

High Five For Friday

This week has been a real doozy. We're moving into our Knoxville apartment today so it has been nothing but boxes and bubble wrap. To say I'm over it would be an extreme understatement.

BUT let's focus on the high points, shall we?

1. I got a date night on Sunday after we spent the day cleaning out the attic. I couldn't resist taking a photo of my reason to dress up a bit. 

2. I ventured out in public in my pajamas to get drive thru food for dinner. That was a real win all around. 

3. I also wore the equivalent of pajamas to work this week. So, yeah, still winning.

4. We went to a Ray Lamontagne concert on Tuesday and had tons of fun. It was a great night with my number one guy, which is a work week rarity these days. 

5. I got my hands on some pretty fantastic mascara. More on that to come on Tuesday. 

Linking up for H54F!

[un]professional

I work in a pretty casual corporate environment. There's business causal and then there's our kind of casual. Most of time, I wear things that are appropriate for lawyers to wear, but some days I skirt the lines of professionalism.

Blazer & Shoes: Target (Similar, Similar); Tank: H&M; Pants: Old Navy (Similar); Jewelry: c/o JTV

I mean who wears a french bulldog tank top to work and thinks it's OK? Apparently me.

 

Linking up with The Pleated Poppy